Being present

What are we missing when we do not slow down? In a culture where we praise being busy and productive, it is very difficult for many of us to be present to the small things, to our life.

As far back as I can remember, my family was always rushing from one thing to another, never standing still. Whether we were moving to a different country, or we were rushing out of church to beat the crowds, we were on the move. It was what I knew, it was who I became from a very young age. There is an energy that comes from that type of stress which made me feel energized, productive and honestly, better than other people who seemed to not be going anywhere. This energy is addictive and it drove my life for 43 years.

The first time I have recollection of being in the moment without “going” anywhere was walking in a small town in Japan with a friend. I was shocked that he was noticing the trees turn beautiful hues of yellow, red and orange. Of course I had noticed the “big idea” of fall around me, but was intently looking for the next temple we needed to get to and was missing each tree, each leaf, each step…my life……

That was my first glimpse and it took a long time for me to be ok with this way of looking at the world and living in the world, more quiet, more present and thoughtful. It is possible that I will continue to struggle for the rest of my life with backing off the high I get from “being busy”. However when I find myself doing more, wanting more, I now know to sit in meditation, if only for a couple of minutes. To discern what needs to be done and what can wait and begin to be ok with the feeling of not accomplishing everything. To learn to still love myself when I am not “getting anywhere”, or feel like I am just “wasting time”. That is where so much of life happens and I am trying to learn to live in that space. I am learning that when we are present we show up in a different way.