Having the courage to stand in our adult
Only the adult can risk not belonging because he/she has understood that everyone belongs
Rooted Healings
10/3/20251 min read


Finding our voice is not easy because it might threaten our belonging. We risk standing out, being seen, being “othered” if we speak, act or look different. Many of us go through life constantly adaptig, trying to fit in every community, every group, even in our own family. To many of us being different has felt like a threat and we have become very adept at blending in, picking up social cues and passing as one more from the group. Sometimes belonging felt so difficult, that some of us choose to stand in the fringe, not overtly opposing the “group” yet not even making an effort to fit in, in order to not get hurt. We stood on the side as if saying “don’t mess with me”. But this stance is just as tiring as the first one, because as human beings all we want is to belong and be seen for who we are.
Family Constellation talks about “standing in our adult”. What does that mean? Many of us are “adults”, yet we are still looking for “permission” to do it diferently. We still look for approval in order to feel we have the right to be ourselves. The movement we make of standing in our adult gives us the courage to do it differently risking belonging, yet doing it anyway. Because the “adult” is not willing to quiet their voices any longer. But most importantly, because the adult understands that everyone belongs, even when others threaten that security. Because belonging first means belonging to ourselves, to the way we see the world, to our dreams, to what makes us special. May we have the courage to not quiet our voices, or show the world who we truly are and thus bring forth our gifts.