Love and saying yes to a system we can not escape

Saying yes to everything and to everyone just the way it is/was, is not an easy task. Yet it is the only sane thing we can do, as things/people actually are the way they are, whether we like it or not. That does not mean that we should stay in that situation, in that relationship. It also does not mean that by saying “yes” to it, we are saying that it is good or right. But it does mean that we have to stop wishing it were different, because if it could, it would. Our journey to healing is acknowledging what IS and saying “yes” to it.

When we work with systems, we clearly see that in every system all its parts are interconnected and when one thing changes in the system, it affects all the other parts. We see it in nature, we see it in countries, in cities, in organizations, and we see it in families. Bert Hellinger discovered three orders that needed to be recognized and respected for these systems to flow and be functional. When they are not respected, there is not enough love in the world that can make up for the lack of order. Something/someone in the system will suffer and affect the whole system.

One problem is that we think we are more independent from our systems than we really are. We think that if we move away from our system, we can escape its influence on us. This can be done when we talk about systems like an organization. If we have the flexibility to do so, we are able to leave that system without it affecting us much. But that can not be done with other systems, especially not with family. This is the system that we belong to that has the most influence on us. We are in essence our parents, we are 50% our mother and 50% our father, so no matter how far or fast we run, they are coming with us.

When there has been hurt, difficult situations, unhealthy relationships, we have to do the work of integrating so that we can heal ourselves. Family Constellations is a tool that can help a person who wants to truly be free and live their own life, because what we reject, will be the strongest driver in our life. Doing the work to integrate instead of reject, is so that we can be free, nothing more, nothing less. Doing the work of looking at what happened, seeing our parents with a different set of eyes, is something we do for ourselves. Family Constellations does not have as a goal to improve relationships. Sometimes it is just not possible, as our parents may have passed or not be capable themselves of a different relationship. We work instead on the bond that exists, which can not be dissolved. We work on this bond because the way we feel about our parents is the way we are going to feel about ourselves. So we work on healing that bond to be able to live with greater freedom, peace and self love.