The dance of life

The dance of life

Summer snuck up on me this year and in a moment my house became full again. The colder air had tricked me into thinking that spring had just began, yet the calendar showed it was May and all the rain the last few months had green springing from every corner. I felt filled with life and was drawn to a flyer I had seen around the past three years….TANGO lessons…

Tango was born in my country, and part of people’s everyday life. It would be on the radio, on tv, when I got in a taxi, really just a part of the fabric of Argentine culture. Yet my parents never listened to it and the only time I saw it danced was when I got married twenty two years ago and we took my in-laws to watch a tango show in Buenos Aires days before the wedding. Finding tango in Cincinnati is actually very fitting to my cultural journey. I had lived in Mexico and Miami, yet I learned how to dance salsa in Japan and Hong Kong. And following that trend, I found myself walking into a beginner tango class in Ohio.

My husband who is always up for something new, agreed to the free trial class being offered. When we arrived, we were instructed to leave our shoes at the door. A part of me half way through the class felt they should have told me to leave my need of control there by my shoes….for as the teachers gave us instructions and we started to move, I realized that my only job was to follow and it was disconcerting to me. They pointed out that some of the women (meaning me) were moving before their partners, therefore making it obvious that they were moving because they knew the next step and not because they were following their male counterpart.

I observed that the women instructors danced with their eyes closed as they allowed their partners to lead them across the room with such ease. I envied how they could let go, be led and be so present as to distinguish minute cues from their partners “telling” them where they would go next. I wondered if I did that with my life, could I let go and allow it to lead me where it pleased? I knew I had been trying to trust life more, just as I was unsuccessfully “trying” to follow my husband, knowing that as a beginner he might lead me into a piece of furniture, another couple or just the wrong step.

Once in a while the instructors would stop us and take the opportunity to explain. They instructed the men how to lead with their core and with their intention. It began to sound like a dressage lesson to me, and it became clear that in this instance, I was the horse……. I felt like I was in a Family Constellation standing in the shoes of my four legged partners for the past 40 years. As I danced around this rectangular room (which airily looked just like a dressage ring) and was told to not cut the corners, I realized I was being given an opportunity to stand in the shoes of all those horses that I unskillfully had lead around a dressage ring. These animals had been patient, waiting for the next signal, sorting through the “noise” to find the cues, and most importantly had allowed themselves to be lead by someone that obviously had not always been skilled or in charge.

I am not sure I see tango in my future, but I left that first lesson with a new appreciation for the art of riding and for the trust that horses put on their riders to do what we ask them to do. The patience they have to try to listen to what we are many times unsuccessfully trying to ask of them. I fills me with gratitude and admiration for these majestic creatures who agree to take us on their backs. I also know that I am being invited to release my need to control and trust the dance of life, working towards closing my eyes and saying yes to where ever it decides to lead me next.